Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
