Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
