we have officially lost it.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
