Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
