trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
These tits shall not be calmed
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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