We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
