Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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