I just saw a hot homeless man
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
