it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
