I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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