Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
