You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
