i wish there were pregnant emoticons
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
