The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
i drank out of a bidet.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
