I accidentally burped into my bong.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
