I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Randomize
