My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Randomize
