wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
