I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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