imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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