i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
You may now shotgun with the bride
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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