Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
