OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
