dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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