if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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