i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
