The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Randomize
