its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
