all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
