i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
