you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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