he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize