I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
