How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize