Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize