You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
