Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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