hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
