then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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