did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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