You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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