If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
