I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Are we still banned from the library?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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