I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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