Well apparently he's into motor boating.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
