i'm signing you up for texting rehab
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
