I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
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