This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
