We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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