so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
They took my balls.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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