I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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