stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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