Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
