Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
why is half of my head shaved?
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