remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Randomize
