who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
