Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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