Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
