yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Randomize
