moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
