Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
