Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
