just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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