told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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