let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
We don't watch enough power rangers
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
