I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
