i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
