She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
