those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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